Saatchi exhibition features controversial pieces (no? really?)

The latest exhibition staged by collector Charles Saatchi features fighting cats, a woman made of mango and some newspapers with semen on them.


Half a deer for some reason

I think it's good that a young artist can think to themselves, "I've been struggling for years to produce works that really pull at my soul. That reveal hidden facets of the human condition that people until now have been hesitant, maybe even unable to approach. But no one gave a shit about that so instead I'll just pull myself off onto a newapaper and sell it to Charles Saatchi."

But is it art? Or is it a self perpetuating money machine, generating controversy for the sole purpose of keeping Saatchi in yachts? You decide (that it's the second one).

JM Barrie impressed with self as new Peter Pan novel published

Deceased novelist JM Barrie was surprised to learn he had written a sequel to his popular children's classic Peter Pan, despite having thrown himself in front of a train in 1937.

"Fuck me, I'm good.", commented Barrie when interviewed earlier today. "I mean fuck I thought I was the shit when they made that Johhny Depp film about me with fine-ass Kate Winslet in it. But this shit? Damn, I never shoulda never jumped in front of that train! I'm too damn good!"

The plot of the novel involves a return to Neverland years after the first story, when Wendy has grown up and had children of her own (and in no way resembles the plot of the film Hook, despite being the same)*.

"It's kinda bittersweet, you know.", continued Barrie. "I mean on the one hand I've just written this book but on the other hand I've been dead for 69 years. Dog, I don’t know how to feel."

Barrie was however pleased to find that he hadn't written that Alan Moore one about Wendy sucking Peter off.

*Actually, it does sound pretty good and half the profits go to Great Ormond Street. You should buy it. I'm just being a twat.

Unintelligent dog exploiters sue less unintelligent dog exploiters

A group of Hollywood dog owners are suing pet training centre Hollywood Paws for what they see as an unacceptably low rise in their pet's levels of superstardom since graduating.


A dog, earlier

To be fair here, I don't think it's the dog college's fault entirely so much as it's the continual lowering of the standards of entry to dog college. Used to be that only the smartest dogs went to college, nowadays any old mutt can get in. This leaves the top level dog jobs (getting shot in to space by Russians, Lassie etc) hugely oversubscribed whilst menial dog jobs (chasing things, barking) are left unfilled.

Added to this (and this is just my opinion) dogs of today are far more interested in college as an excuse to leave home and smell each other.

I mean, really. Wouldn't it just be easier for the government to extract money directly from the wages of morons and distribute it evenly around the insane enterprises (dog college, faberge egg purchasing, scientology, etc)?

Wouldn't that just save time?

Fish learn to breath air during underwater Katie Melua gig

Marine biologists have attributed a miraculous jump in the piscine evolutionary process to a recent successful attempt by Katie Melua to beat the world record for deepest underwater concert, as several species of fish learned to breath air and left the ocean. Several fish questioned stated complaints of “Dreary caterwauling…”, and, “Some bullshit about Bicycles in Taiwan or something…”



Professor Lars Gudjonnson of the Norwegian Oceanographic Institute commented; “This event is beyond anything else recorded in modern science. The sheer level of maudlin, middle of the road, yelping required to cause an entire genus to abandon its natural habitat is... terrifying.”

When questioned about the incident, Melua plinked about on her guitar looking doe-eyed.

Crimes are for inside, George

I'm sorry to have to report this folks but the squeaky clean hero of the masses Mr George Michael has been picked up by the police whilst driving and cautioned over a drug related offence. I know, I know, this news is going to be hard to come to terms with for those of us who use George as our moral compass, but let's just hope and pray this is a one off mistake on his part.



I mean seriously. Has it not occurred to this guy that he could do all the drugs and whatever else he wanted if he did it, hmm I dunno, AT HOME? How long would Al Capone have lasted if he'd done all his bootlegging in the middle of the road?

George has just gone out on tour. The show involves him fiddling his taxes on stage for two hours. Then, as an encore, he comes out and makes libelous comments about random names from the phonebook.

Crimes in the house please, George.